are the special people to you really that special? or are they just a hallucination to cover up the real them.. when meeting someone new that changes your life, what do you do? do you get butterflies and wish you were with that person every second of your dreadfull, hopefull life or do you wish you never met that person.. finding the perfect person feels impossible, every minute you wait and wait, your staring at the window to the cloudy black world. when you find it it seems like a dream, those dreams that you wish you had every night to calm your nerves and take you to a happy place where you never have to face danger or misunderstandings. dreams that feel so realistic you never wanna wake up. staring up at the sky looking at the stars i can see your face, your smile, gets me butterflies when i even think about you. i dont want this feeling to end, no i dont ever want it to end. but it ends anyways. i have to cry myself to sleep because i cant sleep otherwise. i like to dream, to forget about the real world and my messed up life and just go somewhere else for a change. somewhere that is nothing but hopeless dreams to get the days to move faster. i cant stop thinking about you, i see you when i close my eyes. your there smiling at me with those amazing eyes. staring right through my heart, ripping my insides apart like a contraption, wrenching them till theres not much to break. dont you wish you could fly? imagine if you could fly over the oceans and watch the city lights under you. soaring through the sky like a bird, watching the people under you walk on sidewalks hiding their pain with blank faces. you wonder to yourself is there a place where running away from your problems is not a bad thing? a quiet place of happiness where no one ever has to deal with pain or selfishness. just knowing your smiling brightens my days when im down. im begging you please dont leave me, am i such a burden that you had to leave me in the dust to let me rot? i guess so. im nothing compared to everyone else, well thats how i feel. i just wanna bleed, how was i suppose to know that you were gonna abandon me? im losing myself and whats left, i fought for you but i did not win the war. what has become of me. i always get that apathetic feeling of being a zombie. waking up is hard now, i dont wanna get out of bed, whats the point. the silence of the night creeps up to you. your sitting there wondering what have i done wrong? why did this happen to me? did i do something to deserve this? how could someone ever love again after being used and lied too. thats a horrible feeling to experience, people can use you for sick pleasure and you wont even notice till its too late. violence is love and love is pain that breaks you in two. do you remember the memories when we would constantly be laughing and when we would try wishing ourselves to a mysterious place that we could escape to, where we would have no problems whats so ever. when we were kids everything seemed so easy. we didnt have to think or try to fix anything. its different now were older, the tough time starts and you get a taste of the real world. theres no one to turn to, to ask for help. your on your own. i wanted the best for you but i guess it wasnt enough. im only human, im not perfect and may not be the beautifulest person in the world but everyone has the same feelings, the same truths, the same lies and the same wantings. the wantings of being something, being loved, being held, not a piece of trash that you just throw away but to be noticed that you are perfect no matter what you look like or what you have done. thats what everyone wants right? or maybe im just confusing myself in thinking that i could change from awful to something marvelous. im restless and tired from trying to survive everyday. just let the waves of the ocean conquer me, let me drown in the cool waters. just a little goodbye can break you. the world is just an illusion, people come and go. im stuck in this black hole of destruction where i cant get out. maybe if i take my life then will you finally notice me? will you finally realize how i felt for you? will you ever cry for me..
Im just another short story that ends pathetically.
No comments:
Post a Comment